011 I’m an expert at feeling bad…
Hello Friends,
If you've been following this newsletter for a while, you'll know that I often draw parallels between the healing journey and the natural world.
This week I'm leaning heavily on nature and the wisdom of rain as I explore a thorny topic: The purpose of suffering.
As always, previous editions of this newsletter can be found here and, if you’ve been forwarded this email by a friend, you can sign up to receive future editions here.
Fragaria vesca var. Alexandria (Alpine Strawberry) A cultivated wild strawberry that’s smaller than its grocery store cousins and also more flavorful. It bears all season and is excellent for growing in containers. It’s most productive in rich soil with consistent moisture.
A Heavy Karmic Predicament
It has occurred to me recently that I’m an expert at feeling bad.
Specifically, an expert in HOW to feel bad – how to take pain, heaviness, and hardship and utilize their potential for inner growth.
It's the result of practice: Many many bad days. Decades of hardship around health, money and relationships. Deep wounds from earlier in life, past generations, and even deeper sources I’m still learning to understand.
I’m not alone. Many of us have a heavy karmic predicament. We’re sensitive, prone to trauma, depression, anxiety, self-doubt, people pleasing, perfectionism, and chronic health issues.
We work our butts off in therapy, meditation, etc to address our wounds but it feels like it’s not enough. The hard days pour in but the money doesn’t. Or the money comes but we still lack fulfillment or purpose.
Through it all, the body and mind falter, and we’re left to wonder what we’re doing wrong and why the universe is so endlessly ruthless with us.
A metaphor about weather
The most productive and resilient climates in the world have two things in common. First, they get a lot of rain. Second, that rain is spread evenly throughout the year.
I’m not talking about the glamorous and glorious Mediterranean. I’m talking about places that spend a good percentage of the year overcast and wet.
These regions produce incredible plant growth, bounce back quickly after disturbance, sequester tons of carbon, build beautiful soil, and stand the best chance of persisting in the face of climate change.
The hard days, the pain and illness – that’s our rain. And how we respond determines whether we end up with riotous growth or mud.
Most of the time it’s a bit of both, which is perfectly fine. Like the forest, every little bit of growth allows us to make better use of future rains.
We build our resilience, interconnection, productivity, and healing from the very element that once weighed us down.
“No Mud, No Lotus”
Bad days, bad moments, feelings of pain and discomfort, suffering: These experiences and states hold the greatest potential for positive change in life.
No, this isn’t a sermon on the power of positive thought (though that has its place). Real growth, and the sustained experience of wellness, requires us to suffer.
Not only that, we have to spend time resisting our suffering. It’s not enough to observe our pain in some wise and equanimous way – that comes later.
First, we have to resent our situations and lose ourselves in the stories of our own unworthiness, desire, and victimization.
That's because consciousness can only grow out of unconsciousness. Lasting peace and ease can only grow out of pain.
Put another way: We can’t find our way home without getting lost first.
Suffering is Grace (and it also stinks)
It’s true that we all suffer in one way or another. It’s also true that some people, at this moment, are suffering more than others. And it’s true that some lives contain a lot more suffering than others.
For those who feel, or have felt, that their lives have been especially hard:
Your suffering is your ticket to liberation. If your efforts to heal are genuine, you will get there and you will look back at your journey in awe
If #1 doesn’t make you feel better, or it makes you angry or feel despair – good. Those emotions are the seeds of your liberation. Honor your feelings as best you can and then honor the parts of you that can’t.
That's it for this week. See you next time.
Energetically,
David