021 When it’s right to “get it wrong”

Hello friends,

Here it is, the final installment in our series of short, simple practices for stress and pain relief – a kind of survival kit for the holiday season. If you missed any of the first 6 practices, or would like to try them again, you can find them here.

Before I introduce today’s practice, let’s take a quick look at what we’ve covered so far:


There’s a lot of good material here, with each practice designed to quiet your mind and fuel your healing. Best of all, there’s no thought-wrangling required, no white-knuckled attempts to keep your mind at bay.

Instead, these practices are about feeling – about connecting us to a bigger, richer, more intelligent version of ourselves.

So today, rather than add another practice to the list, I’m giving you a non-practice.

 
 

Doing the “right” thing

We spend a lot of time and energy trying to feel good. When we feel bad, we try to feel better. When we feel good, we try to keep it up as long as we can.

Sometimes we choose what’s easy and familiar: Phone, food, alcohol, caffeine, sex, and TV. Sometimes it’s more “wholesome”: yoga, meditation, exercise, or taking a walk.

And all of this is ok. It’s natural to seek fulfillment, to seek balance and ease.

Ideally, we choose strategies that work in the short term and also in a more cumulative, long-term way. But, let’s face it, most of us don’t do that all the time.

Often we resist what’s good for us, opting for something more immediate instead. We might choose the easiest, fastest hit. Or we simply ignore the healthy option because we don’t feel like it. We skip our meditation, we fall behind on journaling or eating well.

Sometimes we just don’t have it in us to make the right choice.

And what if that was ok? What if there was nothing wrong with taking the easy option? Do you really think choosing the easy way makes you lazy, weak, or incompetent?

Do you think that choosing junk food for a week, or skipping meditation for a week, means you’ll never eat healthy food or meditate ever again?

What if you decided to trust yourself, even when you’re making a “bad” choice?

Put another way, what if you decided that not doing the right thing had – at certain times – as much value as doing the right thing? That you could trust yourself to do the right thing…when the time was right?

Would you lose control? Or would you prove to be more trustworthy – more wise, intuitive, and capable – in the absence of self-doubt and judgement?

Feeling the “right” way

And then there are times when we struggle. When we’re completely stuck in our head or filled with a difficult emotion like anger, shame, or fear. Usually, we think of this as a problem. Specifically, we assume we’re doing something wrong if we feel this way.

And then, if we try meditation or some other practice, and we still feel bad – that means we’re really doing something wrong.

But what if there was nothing wrong with struggling? What if feeling bad or being stuck in your head was ok? What if you weren’t doing anything wrong?

What might happen if you allowed the pain to be there, without judging the experience or yourself?

Could there even be a time when struggling meant you were doing something right?

Do your best, and let yourself be


You are doing your best. You always are, and you always have been. At any time, given the current conditions, your past experiences, and your emotional state, you’re going to make the best decision that you’re capable of.

Will it be the right choice? From my perspective, that’s irrelevant.

We are all motivated by a quest for liberation from suffering. Therefore, our choices are based on our belief that our chosen action will reduce our suffering.

And that’s good enough for me.

Because here’s the thing: You don’t just act. You act, observe, and learn. Every decision, every interpretation and communication is the result of a lifetime of study.

So what if you “get it wrong”? Great! The information you get from getting it wrong is just as valuable (or more so) then getting it right.

A non-practice

The next time you’re struggling to make the right choice, give yourself a break. Do whatever you're capable of and trust that you’ll make the most out of what happens.

If you’re not happy with your choice, trust that you’ll make a better one when you’re ready.

The next time you’re struggling with racing thoughts or difficult emotions, do whatever you can to work with them. If you’re able to meditate, exercise, or do yoga…great! If not, that’s ok too.

And if the meditation doesn’t work, that’s also ok. You can trust the pain. Because, at some point, when the pain is ready to move on, and when you’re present with the right tool, you’ll get past it.

The takeaway here is simple: Always make the best choice you possibly can, and trust that you’ve done your best.

We all have an obligation, to ourselves and others, to grow. And growth requires us to challenge ourselves. It calls us to step outside our comfort zone and face things we’d rather not face.

So, basically, it’s hard work. And it’s the kind of work that requires vigilance and genuine personal accountability.

If you’re reading this email right now, there’s a good chance that you’re committed to your own growth. You care deeply about your well-being and the well-being of others. That’s a great thing. In fact, it’s essential.

I’m not suggesting that you lessen your commitment to growth, to yourself, or to others. I’m suggesting that learning to be gentle with yourself – learning to trust the parts of you that seem untrustworthy – will actually speed your growth and reduce your suffering.

When you stop fighting yourself, your feelings, and your choices, they all become fuel for your journey.

Well that's it folks! Seven weeks of practices for stress and pain reduction, all in time for the final holiday stretch. I hope you've found this collection of emails helpful.

I'll be taking next week off from this newsletter but I'll be back on January 5th.

Safe travels, happy holidays, and I'll see you in the new year!

Energetically,
David

PS: Today's photo was taken by Katie Schildmeier