022 Why New Year’s resolutions don’t stick
Hello friends,
Happy new year! I hope you had a wonderful, largely stress-free holiday season. Personally, I’m still working out the tension from all the travel, socializing, and sugar.
If you’re still recovering, check out these 7 quick, easy embodiment practices for stress and pain relief.
Remember, if we want to capitalize on our New Year’s resolutions, we need to start with the tension and stress that’s already in us.
That’s why I’m introducing a special New Year’s offer, exclusively for my newsletter subscribers:
If you book a 1-on-1 session (in-person or remote) before January 20th, you’ll receive a 25% discount (The session itself can be scheduled for later than January 20th). Just use the code NEWYEARS25.
This is a great opportunity to start the year off with a clean energetic slate. I rarely offer discounts on private sessions so don’t miss this one, especially if you’ve been thinking about booking.
As always, I offer a free 15 minute consultation call to all new clients.
Moving towards or running away?
Does anyone else find New Year’s resolutions a little daunting?
Sure, we use them to improve our lives, but they tend to focus on what’s wrong – often with us.
Now, I’m all about self-improvement and the betterment of my life. But here’s the thing – I never make lasting gains when I’m preoccupied with what's wrong.
For me, meaningful and lasting change begins with making peace with the present.
Before I explain, let me ask a question to illustrate this idea. First, consider your aspirations and ambitions for the new year. Then consider your primary motivation.
Are you moving towards something new, or are you running away from something old?
Probably a little of both – which is totally ok. But what I’m talking about here is the intention of your efforts.
I’ve noticed that the more I invest in running away from my current life, the less successful I am in creating change.
When I pursue something new because it feels right, because it’s aligned with my intuition and heart, I’m more successful and – most importantly – the change is long lasting.
And while these two kinds of actions can look the same on the outside, the energy behind them is completely different.
The paradox of change
A lot of people worry that if they learn to appreciate the present moment (including their present life), they'll lose the motivation for change.
But we suffer because we reject the present moment. And we experience ease and flow through mindfulness and accepting the present moment.
If we’re bogged down by our suffering, we have less energy and motivation for new efforts. We might find success but it’ll be short-lived and unfulfilling.
If we’re in alignment with life and our present selves, we’re free to pursue the path in front of us. Our energy will be steady and our results will be long-lasting.
The paradox of change is this: The more we can abide in the present moment, the more capable we are of meaningful, lasting change.
But how? How do we abide in the present moment when there’s an urgent need for change?
With mindfulness, healing work, therapy, exercise, nutrition, etc.
No surprises here – these are the tools and strategies that work. What’s different is our perspective, our understanding of how intention affects outcome.
Ok great. Let’s put our new perspective into action.
What’s right in this moment?
You might think it’s easier to feel good, rather than bad. You'd think it’d be easier to focus on what’s right in this moment, rather than what’s wrong.
Not exactly.
Humans have a negativity bias. That means we’re wired to notice, dwell upon, and remember the negative events/experiences in our life more than the positive ones.
Our negativity bias serves an important evolutionary purpose. The better we are at anticipating, recognizing, and remembering danger, the better chance we have at surviving.
The problem is that most of us aren’t dealing with basic survival – at least not in the ways that our distant ancestors were.
Our challenge, as modern humans, is learning to connect to what’s right, safe, and wholesome in the present moment – even when the present feels all wrong.
To that end, I offer the following guided meditation. It's remarkably simple in its design, but unlimited in its potential. With regular practice, it's a potent ally in even the worst of times.
The 4 minute embodiment meditation
- Sit in a chair and make sure you’re not leaning against the backrest. Place both feet on the floor and set a timer for 4 minutes.
- Close your eyes and start scanning your body for positive sensations. You’re looking for physical, emotional, or energetic sensations that feel wholesome or peaceful.
- There’s no real trick to this. You’re looking for something inside that's intact and reassuring.
- There’s so much in our inner and outer lives that can feel wrong. Right now we’re looking for, and connecting to, something inside of us that feels right.
- Perhaps it’s your breath or your feet. Or the feeling of your eyelids and the space between your eyebrows.
- Wiggle your fingers or toes. Does that feel nice? What about the sensation of your bottom against the chair?
- Are you cold? Put on a sweater and get comfortable.
- This practice is about enjoyment. It’s about the courageous and radical act of seeking enjoyment in the very place we tend to experience suffering.
- If a negative thought or feeling arises, acknowledge it in a gentle way. Smile a half smile, even if discomfort persists. Then shift your awareness to something else in your body, something that feels good and solid and intact.
- Continue this process until you hear the timer. You can stick with one or a few parts of your body, or you can spend the entire time roaming around. Do what feels good and have fun.
That’s it for this week. If you noticed a lot of resistance during the meditation, that’s ok. It’s natural to resist this kind of practice, especially in times when we’re struggling.
In fact, the more you resist it, the more important this practice is for you at this time. Be gentle with yourself and return to it as often as you can.
See you all next week!
Energetically,
David